I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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