what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
