my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
