Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
