P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
