im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
