I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
