All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
