I accidentally had phone sex last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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