youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
