I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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