WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
