You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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