Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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