Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
