Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
