he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
