i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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