we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
