I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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