Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
