have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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