I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
