just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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