im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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