You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
