Your face is a jimmy john
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
