im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
