I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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