whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
