I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
