If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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