We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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