she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
