i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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