Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
