No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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