I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
