I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
