Kiss
Puke
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
