if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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