i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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