you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
