the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
