I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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