Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
