yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
