My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize