I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
