Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
