C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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