doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
