just tell him i said nine months
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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