I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize