just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i will never coherently bang her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
