none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
