I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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