Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
