I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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