I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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