my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
