And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
