I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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