I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
