Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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