And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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