I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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