He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
