I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
