I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
