so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
