Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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