I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
