Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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