I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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