yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
