i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
