can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
