OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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