mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
